Final Stand
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: After the AGA invasion of Nexton, Chris and the kids flee and are forced to go into hiding indefinitely as Davenport has now captured all the Nexton and South Park residents, Unit 14, and the EOH 11th graders. Among all that, Stan now has a tough choice to make: Wendy or Bebe? But in the end, all the kids want to know is...who is Eric Cartman's real mother? RFSP episode 4
1. Chapter 1

RFSP episode #104

Final Stand

Synopsis: After the AGA invasion of Nexton, Chris and the kids flee and are forced to go into hiding indefinitely. Davenport successfully captures everyone else from South park and Nexton, including Unit 14, and the EOH 11th graders. Davenport is now extremely close to completing his search for Chemical Z. And as if things weren't bad enough, Stan now has a difficult choice to make: Wendy Testaburger or Bebe Stevens? But in the end, all the kids want to know is…who is Eric Cartman's real mother?

Final Stand

Chapter 1-Escape

 **A/N: And we're finally here everyone! The first chapter of the conclusion to the 4 part RFSP premiere! I hope you enjoyed everything so far!**

 **And the usual disclaimer: I own nothing related to South Park that appears in this story. I only own my OC's.**

 **And so I now present Chapter 1 of RFSP episode 4!**

* * *

The black robot continued its threatening march towards the kids. With every step it took, they couldn't help but think that it was all over.

"What the hell is that thing!?"

The robot laughed evilly and swung his spatula weapon at the kids, who all immediately dodged out of the way.

"I swear this thing looks somewhat familiar!"

"It's a tall black robot you dumb Jew!" Cartman retorted. "Where the hell could we have seen this thing!?"

Kenny attempted to fight the robot by jumping up and kicking him back a few steps. Kenny's fighting didn't last very long, as the robot ultimately came out on top. Just when it was about to deliver a final blow to all of them, out of nowhere, Chris' car zoomed in and rammed into the robot, successfully demobilizing him temporarily.

"Get in!"

The kids hurriedly filed into the car and Chris floored the accelerator and sped off.

"Oh thank God you kids are alright!"

"Dude where the hell were you!?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah sorry I lost you and Ike back there."

"That robot almost killed us!"

"Kenny was probably about to die!"

Kenny face palmed at Cartman's comment.

"Yeah thanks for saving us, that was pretty close."

"But why did that robot look kind of familiar?"

"I don't get it…." Stan tried to figure it out. "I would think that whatever that thing was would be one of those new guys Davenport hired, but we've never seen that thing before! What does it want with us!?"

("Hmmm…I wonder…did anyone else notice the robot's head?")

"Yeah it looked kind of puffed up!" Butters answered. "Like it was a, uh, a hat or something!"

"I got nothing there."

"We can call Mystery Inc. later, but right now we need to drive!" Chris stated.

"Well where are we going?" Kyle asked.

"I don't know. All I know is that the nine of us are going into hiding indefinitely. By now Davenport's already captured everyone else from Nexton and South Park, possibly the entire county as well. But it's vital that we're never found. I'm responsible for you kids now, and we're leaving. I don't know where were going, but were probably never coming back."

("But Chris I'm immortal! Why wouldn't Dylan-.")

"Dylan's orders. Strict and specific orders. Things have really gotten out of hand now and even with your ability, Dylan wanted you and your friends to be safe."

"But what about Dylan!? Or the rest of the 11th graders!?"

"We don't try to contact them. They're over there and they're handling it. Our operation and Unit 14 have plenty of experience; they'll know what to do. Hopefully this'll all work out and we can go back."

"But what if they get captured too?"

"Even if the AGA manages to defeat them, he still can't undo the lock on Chemical Z without you kids. Whether he fails or not, he can't succeed without you kids. That is why we're not going back and why we make zero contact with any of them. I would imagine Unit 14 has destroyed their earpieces by now."

"So…that's it? We're on our own?" Stan asked.

"That's it."

A sense of sadness and despair could be felt by the group.

"Oh hamburgers…cooked medium rare…."

"So we're just going to drive around forever?" Kyle asked. "What about gas? Food? Water?"

"Dylan had always saved up his money he earned from being in The Agency for something like this. It's in the trunk."

"How much?"

"About two million dollars."

"Whoa dude!"

"That's not all of it though. Dylan hid most of the rest of his cash from The Agency in different spots all around the country. I have a list of them in case we run out of what we have with us."

"Where are we now?"

"Whispering Elm. We'll be out of the county in about 25 minutes I hope. If we can at least get out of the county, we should be safe. But I need all of you to promise me-no, swear that you're not going to try to contact any of them."

After a while, and very reluctantly, all but Wendy say "I swear" one-by-one.

"Can somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on!?" Wendy asked.

"In a nutshell: The guy I'm staying with is a douchebag that couldn't tell us a secret to save us all early on." Kyle answered. "And Cartman's mom isn't his mom."

"This again?"

"For one part. Ready to hear the whole thing?"

* * *

Several minutes later, Wendy knew the whole story.

"And so now here I am trying to protect eight kids with my life, while Unit 14 is hopefully resolving this." Chris told Wendy.

"That's…quite a lot."

"Now you need to swear that you're not going to attempt any contact with anyone else OK?"

"I swear"

"Thank you."

"Where are we now?"

"About 20 minutes away from entering South Carolina. We're stopping at the first exit we see that has a hotel."

"So does that mean were getting one hotel room for all nine of us?"

"Yes."

"Oh no!" Cartman retorted. "I am not sharing a bed with Jew boy, Poor boy, and Butters!"

"Just suck it up Cartman." Kyle replied.

"What time is it?"

Chris looked at the clock on the car radio. "2:17 A.M. We'll sleep at a hotel for a few hours, but we'll need someone to be awake at all times to be a lookout. We'll take hour long shifts."

Another 25 minutes later, Chris got off of the interstate and got onto an exit. He looked around for a few minutes until he found a Days Inn and pulled into it. A few minutes after checking in, the group entered a room with only two beds. Although it was a bit squished, especially since Chris was bigger than the others, they managed to get four in each bed; with the last being on lookout duty. Butters took the first lookout shift, and Stan took the last shift.

" _That robot…just who the hell is that guy?"_ Stan thought to himself once it was his turn to be lookout. Outside, the sun had fully risen and it was almost Noon. _"Davenport got five of our enemies to help him…but who are they? We know one is Trent Boyett and now we know another is Scott Tenorman. Could that robot be one of them? And who are the other two?"_ Stan sighed. _"Everyone's in danger and Chris expects us to just run and hide? What does that achieve?"_ Stan narrowed his eyebrows a bit. _"I don't care if I swore to Chris I'd stay with him. Everyone we know is in danger and so are our families. First chance I get, I'm hitchhiking back."_

Stan started waking everyone else up. Cartman woke up to find Butters hugging him in his sleep, to which he responded by slapping his hands off of him.

"Is it time to go already?" Kyle asked as he tried to wake up.

"After I wake up a bit, were leaving." Chris answered.

* * *

Back in Nexton, the AGA had built a maximum-security prison-like fence around all of Nexton, complete with guard towers and everything. Inside, Davenport had everyone from South Park, Nexton, and any tourists that came for the tournaments locked up in jail cells of some sort that only contained a sink and a toilet in each. The jail area was above ground and outside and contained the entrance to the AGA's underground base, where Davenport planned to use the drill to look for Chemical Z. Several AGA goons milled about the prison area. Unit 14 had evaded capture for the time being, but a third of the EOH 11th graders had already been caught. Over at one of the cells, an AGA goon was unsuccessfully trying to extort some information out of Gerald on Kyle and Ike's whereabouts, and what he said in the end only made Sheila cry harder than she already was.

"For the last time, I don't know where my kids are!" Gerald snapped at the goon. "And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you!"

"Fine then." The guard replied. "I guess we'll just send out some of the bounty hunter division to find them."

"What!?"

The pain of missing their kids was even harder with Kenny's family, especially his young and, at that current moment, very frightened sister.

"Why would Kenny have just left us like that?" Kevin wondered.

"That's not like him at all." Karen said in between sniffles and tears.

Kenny's parents had a seemingly bigger issue on their hands though.

"Stuart, I need to talk to you." Kenny's mother whispered to him.

"What?"

"It's about Kenny. I think the curse we got from that damn cult meeting might be wearing off."

"Whoa, really?"

"Kenny jumped off the roof of the hotel last night remember?"

"Yeah so?"

"I'm not sure if he came back though. I haven't seen him since."

"What do you mean he didn't come back?"

"Once Kenny jumped off the building…I didn't give birth to him again last night!"

"What!?"

"You know that I always go into labor the night after, but I didn't. And I haven't seen him either."

"Neither did I."

Kenny's mom was now even more worried. "Oh Stuart do you think…he's not coming back this time?" she asked as she started to tear up.

In another cell a few rows down, Randy demanded he be released for about the umpteenth time.

"Let us out you sons of bitches!"

"I'd rather not get fired." A far off voice replied.

"Randy, you've been doing that for an hour now, you may as well stop." Sharon asked.

"If only I had a knife with me then."

"From the looks of it, I think these people were prepared for that."

Randy sighed. "I just can't believe Stan ran off like that though? What the hell was he thinking?"

What nobody noticed is that several feet away, six bushes got off the ground and started to slowly crawl their way through the prison area.

At some point the bushes passed by a cell containing Butters' parents. Linda was crying hysterically and Stephen was trying his best to somewhat comfort her, even though he was just as worried.

"There, there Linda I-I'm sure Butters is fine…wherever he is."

"He's all alone out there Stephen! And they said they were going to kill him!"

She kept crying and didn't stop when an AGA guard approached their cell door.

"The boss wants to see you."

"Forget it!" Stephen angrily replied. "If you let me see him, I'd give him a piece of my-."

"Not you, her."

"What!? What for!?"

"Oh you'll see." The guard smirked quite smugly as he unlocked the cell door, grabbed Linda by the arm, shut the door, and walked off.

The "bushes", which were actually Unit 14 and Sara in disguise, had stopped crawling for a little bit.

"Plan anyone?" Jessica asked.

"We sneak around a little more and destroy their defenses and guard towers and try to find the entrance to the base if we can." Dylan answered. "Once were in, we find Davenport and destroy the drill and end this whole thing. For now, I'm just glad Davenport hasn't found MY base yet."

* * *

20 minutes later, Chris and the kids were back on the road headed towards Atlanta.

"So where to now?" Kyle asked.

"Georgia. We'll most likely stop in Atlanta next." Chris replied.

"Isn't that like one of the largest cities in America or something?" Stan asked.

"Yes."

"Neat-o!"

"Don't get too distracted or anything. We're still running for our lives."

("Wouldn't they be waiting for us in a big city?")

"Not exactly. You see, Davenport would think we'd run to a small town in the middle of nowhere in order to evade them since it'd be easier to spot us in a big city. So were doing exactly what he wants us to do, but without him expecting it.

" _Perfect"_ Stan thought to himself. _"Once were there, I'll sneak away and hitchhike back."_

* * *

Back in the AGA's underground lair, Davenport and his minions were working on the drill which, as Dylan explained earlier, was quite HUMONGOUS and was shaped like a large mining and digging drill.

"Hey you!" Trent Boyett called out to Davenport as he entered the room.

"Next time call me 'Boss'."

"I don't take those kinds of orders buddy."

"Well whatever, what did you want?"

"She is ready."

"Makesh? She is?"

"Yes. You might have to jog her memory a little."

The two left the room and walked towards a laboratory of some sort where Saddam Hussein and the black Darth Vader-like robot were waiting.

"Where's that ginger kid?" Davenport asked.

"He said training his army was more important than this."

"Well fine, screw him. He doesn't have to see this. Where's Makesh?"

"Right through there!" Saddam pointed to a door. "You should probably mention, I was once her lover."

The four stepped through a door into a dark and poorly lit room.

"Makesh? Makesh!"

Suddenly a red eye-shaped source of light turned on and was accompanied by some mechanical noises.

"Makesh! You're awake I see! It's been a long time since you last lived!"

A slight silhouette stepped into view, revealing that the red light was one of its eyes.

"So…how are you feeling?" Davenport asked the figure.

" **Who…are you guys?"** the figure asked in a sinister half human, half robot voice. **"And who am…I?"**

"Us? Why, were your new partners in evil!"

" **But who…am I?"**

"I know you don't remember anything but…your name is Makesh Alak Makarakesh." Davenport told the figure. "You were an Iraqi fugitive, a traitor, and had killed thousands of your people."

" **Makesh…Makesh…that is my name?"**

"Correct."

" **Then who are…you people?"**

"More about us later, but for now all you need to know is that we resurrected you to help us take over the world!"

" **But why would I…want to take over the world?"**

"That's exactly what you said on our first date!" Saddam told the figure.

" **Date? But who…are you?"**

"Saddam Hussein! Remember? During your time as a fugitive in Iraq, we had a secret relationship. We tried to make love, but you just weren't 'feeling it' for some reason, and then decided you were a lesbian!"

" **Saddam…Hussein…lesbian…."**

"This isn't working." Trent noted.

Davenport snapped his fingers. "I got it! Makesh! Do you see how this pen is purple?" he told the figure as he pulled out a purple pen.

" **Yes but why…purple…purple? Why does purple make me feel…vengeful?"**

The figure clutched its head and moaned. It was having flashbacks…of Wendy.

"Do you remember now?

" **Yes…I do. I remember everything now. I must thank you for reviving me."**

The figure finally stepped out into the light, exposing her entire body. Her body was half natural human body parts and the other half was made up of sleek robotic replacements of the ones Davenport wasn't able to recover. But the figure wasn't just one of those "Robot on the right side, human on the other" things. It was an interesting blend of the two kinds of parts with no particular pattern or consistency as to where one natural/robot part was in relation to where on the body the next part was and such. The figure sported one red glowing eye and one natural human eye. One of its arms had to be completely replaced as well and it still had the sinister half human, half robot voice.

" **Now after all these years I can finally have my revenge on that little bitch!"** She vowed.

As soon as the black robot saw her, he immediately had a flashback of some kind. The robot felt like he had once sung a song, or something, to the one standing before him.

"Is something wrong Chef?" Davenport asked the black robot as he began clutching its head.

" **I'm not sure. I just had a…visual of some kind. Makesh…do I know you?"**

Makesh stared at him for a second. **"Funny…I had the exact same feeling about you."**

Just then the door behind them opened up and a silhouette of Scott Tenorman stood in the doorway. "I'm here! What did I miss?" he snickered.

"Perfect! All five of my new admins are ready!" Davenport exclaimed.

Trent raised his switchblade. "Can I kill one of them now?"

"Patience child. You'll have your way soon enough." Davenport said as he left the room.

Trent turned around to face Makesh. "So…who the fuck are you exactly?"

* * *

Night had fallen when Chris and the kids finally arrived in Atlanta and attempted to get a hotel room.

"Can I help you?" the front desk woman asked.

"We need a room." Chris replied.

"For all nine of you?"

"We'll manage with only two beds."

"Sir…why do you have eight kids with you?"

"What's it matter to you?"

"It just seems a little odd."

"Just give us a room asshole." Cartman demanded, prompting Kyle to elbow him.

"Can we please just have a room?" Stan asked. "Were kind of desperate…and were loaded with cash!"

"What!"

"Uh, I mean-."

"Please lady!" Butters cut Stan off. "We really can't go anywhere else! We've been traveling all night and-."

"Were all a family!" Chris cut Butters off. "We have nothing to hide, I swear!"

"Fine." The woman reluctantly agreed. "But only if you let me get your parent's OK."

Suddenly Stan got an idea. An idea he hadn't used in years.

"We…don't have any parents."

"Excuse me?"

Kyle instantly realized what Stan was trying to do. "Our parents died in a car wreck last month and…we've been on our own ever since." Kyle sniffed and soon after, Stan, Kyle, Ike, and Butters all started crying.

Cartman recognized the idea too. "Why does everyone have to keep reminding us of something we don't have!?" Cartman moaned sadly as he started to fake cry and was soon joined by Chris, Kenny, Bebe, and Wendy.

"Ok, OK! I'm sorry!" the front desk woman frantically apologized. "Uh…I'll see what I can do. I'll make sure you poor kids get a room!"

As soon as she left, the group stopped fake crying.

"Jesus, that's the 13th time that's worked!" Stan exclaimed.

"Where did you get that idea from?" Wendy asked.

"Uh…nowhere." Kyle answered as the front desk woman came back with a handful of room keys.

"Here you go! Sorry to have troubled you!"

* * *

Later that night in their hotel room, Butters realized his lookout shift had ended, and started waking Stan up.

"Stan? Stan! Wake up!"

"Butters why are you waking-."

"It's your turn to be lookout. After you, it's Kenny's turn."

Stan got out of bed and Butters immediately climbed back into the bed.

30 minutes later, Stan was peering out the window of the hotel room, gazing out at the busy downtown Atlanta landscape.

" _It's now or never."_ He thought to himself. _"I'm going."_

Stan slowly opened the door without waking anyone up. Right before he leaves, he walked over to the bedside table and left his phone on it. He left the room and quietly closed the door, tiptoed down the hall, and rode the elevator down to the lobby floor. Once he got out into the lobby, he looked for the front desk woman from earlier and speed-walked out of the building once he saw that she wasn't there. A few seconds later, Stan found himself out in the busy streets…alone. He abruptly stopped only a few seconds later.

" _Wait, wait, wait…what the fuck am I doing!? If I go, that just puts us more at risk! For all I know, I'm the kid that's needed to break the seal on Chemical Z! Hitchhiking back would be suicide! But on the other hand…I still feel the need to go. I'll hitchhike somewhere, but not anywhere near North Carolina. It'll make the rest of them safe…then that's just it then. I don't know where I'm going, but I need to go somewhere to ensure the safety of everyone else…and Wendy. Just in case I am the special kid…then I have to do this for her safety."_

With that new ideal in mind, Stan continued walking through the streets of nighttime Atlanta.

* * *

Back in Davenport's lair, Davenport was working on the drill when some of his minions entered the room with Unit 14 captured.

"Hey boss! I got something for you!"

"Well look what we have here!" Davenport exclaimed as he admired his victory. "How nice of you to join me! Not so super anymore, are you?"

"That doesn't matter!" Dylan retorted. "You may have brought us down, but you'll never win!"

"You'll never find those kids!" Jessica added. "Even we don't know where they are!"

Liane sighed. "Oh Eric…I'm so sorry…."

"Oh but I don't need to extort any information from you guys!" Davenport said as he pulled up a large digital computer screen with a map of America on it. "For I already have a pretty good idea on where they are!" The map displayed a little red dot over Georgia, indicating Chris' location. Davenport zoomed the camera in until the camera was pointing directly at the window of the hotel room Chris and the kids were in.

"What!?"

"NO!"

"They can outsmart you!"

"Chris can get them out of that!" Dylan retorted.

"That's right he could!" Davenport smirked evilly. "Unless you know, I send in one of my new admins to get them! TRENT!"

Trent and Darth Chef entered the room.

"Do I finally get my revenge now?" Trent asked.

"Close. The two of you round up some troops and go get our little friends. Bring them back here, then you can have your revenge."

"I'm on it." Trent replied as he and Darth Chef left the room.

"Nooo!" Jessica cried out.

"You bastard!" Terrance yelled. "You ruthless bastard!"

"You better not lay a finger on them!" Dylan snapped.

"Oh but of course I wouldn't!" Davenport added. "After all, I need them to open Chemical Z for me!" he continued as he left the room laughing maniacally.

Liane began to cry as some guards escorted Unit 14 out of the room.

* * *

 **A/N: Only three more chapters left of the 4 part RFSP series premiere!**

 **So what did you think of this one? All reviews are appreciated, but no flames please! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

RFSP episode #104

Final Stand

Chapter 2-Kenny's revelation

* * *

The next morning in Atlanta, Chris and the kids, minus Stan since he had already left, woke up. Since Stan had left, nobody had kept lookout after him. Practically as soon as he woke up, Chris immediately noticed Stan's absence.

"Oh God no!"

"What?" mumbled a half-awake Kyle.

"Stan's not here!" Chris rushed inside the bathroom to look for him and came back out two seconds later. "He's gone!"

"GONE!?"

("That dumbass! He's going to get us all killed!")

"Oh no!"

Chris punched the wall in anger. "GRRR! That idiot! Why the fuck did he leave!?"

"Well what do we do now!?"

"We don't have any other choice. We have to go look for him! Is that his phone on the table?"

"Yeah."

"Grab it and let's get out of here!"

On a rooftop a few buildings away, Trent Boyett peered through a pair of binoculars and saw that the group was awake.

"Trent to groundlings: The fish is biting the worm. I repeat: The fish is biting the worm!" Trent spoke into a walkie-talkie as he rushed back inside the building.

* * *

Somewhere in Atlanta, Stan sat on a park bench and pondered his actions.

"No turning back now I guess."

"Too bad there's a detour."

Stan whirled around to see who said that…and became horrified once he saw who it was.

"T-Trent! Uh…hey dude, uh, long time no see?"

Trent pulled out his switchblade. "Your damn right it's been too long."

"Look dude, can't we just put Preschool behind us?" Stan said while shaking with fear. "That was a long time ago and we were only four and-."

"NO! You said you could put out that fire! You failed and you put the blame on ME! For years I've plotted my revenge in that juvie! But you little punks got me locked up again! This time, you're MINE!"

"I-I-I'll give you whatever you want!"

"Can you give me back all the years I wasted away in that juvie? Kindergarten? 1st grade? 2nd? 3rd? 4th? There weren't any exciting adventures I got to go on! I never went to Imaginationland! I never got to help a whale get to the moon! There were no trips to Somalia for Trent Boyett!"

"Well I don't have a time machine or anything…."

Trent drew out his switchblade again. "Thought so. After all these years I can finally exact my revenge on you and your gang!"

* * *

At that exact moment, Chris' car drove by. Butters immediately noticed Stan.

"Look! It's Stan!"

"Oh my God! It's Trent Boyett!" Kyle screamed, terrified.

Chris slammed on the brakes and he and Kenny bounded out of the car.

"Kenny what are you doing!?" Cartman screamed.

"Trent's going to kill you dude!" Kyle added.

Kenny flipped Kyle off as he ran to help Stan. Right when it looked like Trent was about to stab Stan, Kenny ran up from behind and punched Trent upside the head, causing Trent to face-plant on the ground.

"Kenny! Boy am I glad to see you!"

Kenny approached Stan, grabbed him by the shirt, and violently shook him.

("WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY!?") Kenny yelled very angrily. ("DON'T YOU EVER DO SOMETHING THAT RETARDED AGAIN!")

"Stan!" cheered Wendy, Bebe, Ike, Kyle, Butters, and Cartman as they ran up to them. Bebe ran up and hugged Stan as soon as they got to them. Nobody else had noticed that Trent had stood back up.

"Perfect timing. I'll finish you all in one fellow swoop. I've waited a long time for this!"

Trent lunged at Kyle, but Kenny intervened and kicked him. Trent and Kenny began to engage in fierce combat, each exchanging a few blows to the face, head, and gut. Eventually, Kenny came out on top and had Trent lying on the ground in defeat.

"When did you learn to fight like that!?"

"I taught him those moves myself!" Chris answered.

Trent slowly pulled out his walkie-talkie to signal the others. "NOW!"

In a matter of seconds, the group became surrounded by AGA troops. Saddam Hussein walked up to the group.

"Oh my God! It's Saddam Hussein!"

"You're one of Davenport's admins!?"

"I sure am!" Saddam replied. "After you little bastards put me in Canadian jail, Davenport busted me out and promised me I could kill Kenny!"

("I'm immortal!") Kenny replied smugly.

"Exactly! But I'm immortal too! And only immortals can truly kill other immortals!"

Kenny, having forgotten that fact, went from confident to absolute petrified with fear. Darth Chef and the now revived half robot Makesh Alak Makarakesh walked into the circle.

"The robot again!" Wendy shrieked. "And it brought another one!"

" **Hello…children."** Darth Chef greeted the children menacingly.

"Just where have we seen that thing before!?"

" **Hello! I exist too!"** Makesh complained in her half robot and half human voice.

("Who the hell are you?")

" **You don't remember your old substitute from way back? Gee, I'm flattered."** Makesh said sarcastically.

"Substitute?"

"The only substitute we really ever had was…OH HAMBURGERS!"

"It can't be! Y-You're...Ms. Ellen!?"

" **That's right! It's been a long time since I've seen anyone!"**

Wendy gasped out of fear. _"No! It can't be! How could she still be alive? She was shot into the sun!"_

" **AND YOU!"** Ms. Ellen said once she recognized Wendy. **"I have unfinished revenge with you, you little nosy bitch!"**

"But you were shot into the sun!" Stan added. "How the fuck does anyone survive that!?"

" **What you think I'm immortal like him?"** She said as she pointed her robotic arm at Kenny. **"Davenport always figured I'd be filled with enough hatred and rage after my death that he could use me for his plans. So once Saddam told him about me, he went straight to work! It took him all these years, but he was finally able to collect enough of my singed remains and bring me back! So go ahead Wendy!"**

"Huh?"

" **Tell them!"**

"Tell us what?" Stan asked.

"Stan…everyone…I have a confession to make. Well Stan…it's just...I faked the whole thing with those Iraqi's."

"You WHAT!"

"Bebe knew about it…and Kyle figured it out later. I'm guessing Kenny-."

("Even I didn't know this!")

"But Wendy! Why would-."

"I didn't know what else to do OK! Stan was in love with Ms. Ellen so much, I didn't want our relationship to fall apart so quick! So I…got a few actors to pretend they were Iraqi's and storm in claiming that Ms. Ellen was an Iraqi traitor."

("Oh you motherfucking asshole!")

"Wendy! How could you!?"

A tear formed in Wendy's eyes. "I was worried I'd lose you Stan! I had to set this up!"

" **Except you didn't."**

"Huh?"

" **Guess what? I am an Iraqi! My name really is Makesh Alak Makarakesh! And I did have a date with Saddam!"**

"It's true!" Saddam added. "She had one hot body back then too!"

" **I really was a traitor that had killed thousands of my own people! I fled to America to hide and it all went well, until you got in the way!"**

"Oh my God!"

" **You never paid actors! You paid the people who were looking for me! They only claimed to be actors to make sure you'd lead them to me!"**

"I-I-I had no idea!"

Ms. Ellen drew up very close to Wendy. **"Of course you didn't. And I would've been fine in America, if you hadn't gotten in the way and started snooping around! Now after all these years I can finally kill you!"**

"Whoa baby!" Saddam added. "Slow that train down guy! The boss we said we can't kill them yet!"

Kyle began to think. "So the five admins are Cartman's half-brother, Satan's former gay lover, a super pissed off half robot Ms. Ellen, this big black robot, and Trent!"

"That's right!" Trent replied.

"Oh man…we're fucked!"

"When I yell go, you kids make a break for it all right?" Chris whispered.

"What?"

"GO!"

Chris pulled out a laser shooting weapon and started firing at the bad guys as the kids made a break for it.

"Where the fuck do we go!?"

("Just keep running!")

The public was well aware of the commotion at this point. Kenny pulled out a gun and fired them at the AGA goons that were chasing them.

Bebe, Wendy, and Ike were somehow struggling to keep up with the others. Eventually, the group ducked into an alleyway and the AGA followed. Wendy tripped while running and crashed into Ike and Bebe. The AGA caught up to them and captured the three of them.

"Wendy!"

"Ike! NO!"

The boys looked ahead and saw that AGA troops were approaching from the other side of the alleyway as well, effectively trapping them. But then Kenny remembered what Dylan had told him earlier about his new abilities.

" _Wait until…I don't know…until there's a needed opportunity to do it!"_

Kenny immediately got an idea.

"This is it!"

"We're really fucked now!"

("EVERYONE HOLD ONTO ME!")

"What!? What the hell for!?"

("JUST DO IT!")

Reluctantly but quickly, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters grabbed onto Kenny. Kenny was about to shoot himself, but one of the approaching AGA goons fired his gun, and the bullet struck Kenny in the chest. Just like Dylan explained, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters instantly dropped dead as well. Bebe, Ike, and Wendy see this just as they were being dragged off.

"STAN!" yelled the girls.

"KYLE!" yelled Ike.

The three were drug away, instantly traumatized and crying hysterically.

* * *

It wasn't until nightfall that the boys woke up.

Stan woke up in pitch black darkness and totally confused as to his whereabouts.

"Ahhh…oohhh…what the fuck happened? Hey wait…where the hell am I!?"

Stan felt around the room and found a sliding door. He slid it open and walked out into…Kenny's bedroom back at South Park.

"What the hell? Kenny's room?"

"S-Stan?"

Stan looked around the room and saw that Kyle, Cartman, and Butters were in there as well and they had begun to wake up.

"Kyle!"

"What's going on? What happened?"

"Where's Kenny?"

The door to the room suddenly opened and Kenny walked in.

("Ah, you're all awake now I see.")

"Kenny! What happened!? How are we back here!?"

Kenny walked over to his window and stared out it while talking.

("We all died in Atlanta.")

"WHAT!?"

"But how are we-."

("My immortality.")

"Kenny seriously, knock it off already with this immortality bullshit!" Cartman retorted.

("It's not bullshit Cartman! This is real! Try and remember it now! Don't you remember all those other times I've died!?")

The other four thought long and hard about this.

"Wait…why am I now thinking of you getting blasted by the visitor's spaceship all those years ago!?"

("Because that actually happened, Stan. That was only the first of many.")

"But if the visitors shot you dead, then how are you still alive now?"

("Because I came back. And then I died again. And came back…again. It keeps happening over and over again. And I fucking hate it. Try to remember another one.")

Kyle remembered something. "Hey…I think I…remember the succubus killing him!"

"The succubus?"

"You know, the woman Chef was about to marry without knowing it was actually a life-draining demon sent from Hell?"

"I remember that too!" Cartman added. "And now I remember that one time at my grandma's house when Charlie Manson and my Uncle Howard held us all hostage, Kenny died there too!"

"And at the waterpark!" Butters recalled. "Kenny drowned in the tsunami of pee!"

"I see…Kenny being shot by an airport security guard!"

"I see…Kenny being eaten by a giant bird that had crashed through the school roof!"

The boys just stood there, completely speechless at this new revelation.

"So…you really are…immortal?"

("Yes.")

"Every time you die…you always come back?"

("Yes. Now you know the pain I've been feeling. All these years I've gone to Hell and back and I can feel the pain I go through when I die. And when I come back, my mom had to give birth to me again every single time. For years, her and I have both suffered this immense pain…and for years I heard you guys say 'Oh my God! They killed Kenny!' as I died, only to completely forget my death once I came back.")

"But why are you immortal?"

("When my mom was pregnant with me, my parents had attended a cult of Cthulhu meeting. Something happened during that meeting, and it placed this curse upon me.")

"Well how come we can remember it now?"

("Dylan developed a potion for me. When I drank it I gained the ability to regenerate wherever I choose. So now my mom doesn't give birth to me anymore, I just show up wherever I want to regenerate at. Also anything that has any kind of physical contact with me the moment I die, be it human or object, will die with me, regenerate with me, and will remember it as well. Back in Atlanta, you guys held onto me as I died, so you died with me. Now that I've finally gotten you guys to die, you're now able to remember all my other deaths.")

"Oh my God…."

"Kenny were…were sorry."

"Yeah…for not believing you and all."

Kenny got down from the window and walked over to his friends.

("Thanks guys. But now we need to figure out how to get back to Nexton and save everyone.")

"Could we die again and regenerate there?"

("As much as I hate to do it, I suppose we have no other way.")

* * *

The boys respawned in Nexton the next morning and hurriedly made their way to the entrance of the prison Davenport had turned the place into.

"Plan?"

("We somehow get in there and free everyone")

"How do we do that?"

("I called Sara. She's in there somewhere. She's going to take out the guards at the main gate and let us in")

After waiting for what seemed like forever, the boys heard a few punches and kicks from behind the main gate. The main gate opened and the boys rushed inside and found Sara.

("Sara!")

"Oh thank God you're alright!" she rejoiced as she hugged Kenny super hard.

("They finally know I'm immortal now!")

"Great!"

"So is there any good news?" Stan asked.

"The exact opposite. Unit 14's been captured!"

"Oh no!"

("How do we get them out?")

"By doing what we do best Kenny. Kicking ass!"

Progressing through the area was relatively quick. Sara noted that it was most likely due to the fact that more and more people were being moved to the prison area in the underground part of the base, since the drill would be ready in a few hours. As the group progressed, Kenny and Sara lead the way and took on most of the bad guys. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters weren't exactly skilled fighters or anything, but they did relatively good. But because of that, they were captured first when the group eventually became surrounded by a horde of AGA goons, which were too many to fight off. The horde of bad guys eventually overpowered all of them, and they were dragged off. Butters was thrown into his parents' cell, which was still above ground.

"BUTTERS!"

Stephen and Linda embraced so hard, his face had turned purple by the time he let go.

"Oh baby! Thank God you're OK!"

"We thought you were dead!"

"Why did you leave the room?"

"Well, uh, you see, Kenny is part of this group that was trying to protect us." Butters explained. "And I'm caught in the middle of all of it because I'm possibly the one to-."

"Open Chemical Z?" Linda asked.

"How'd you know?"

"That Davenport man told me all about it."

"He did? But why you?" Stephen asked.

"Well...Butters…Stephen…there's something I need to tell you now."

"What is it?"

"Mr. Davenport…is actually my long lost brother."

Butters and Stephen were completely taken aback.

"WHAT!?"

"Sweet Jesus!"

"It's true. When he called me in, he revealed his real identity to me. He's my older brother that I haven't seen since we just became adults."

"Davenport is my UNCLE!?"

"I'm afraid so Butters."

"But why is he doing this? Especially to his own sister!?"

"When we were growing up, he was always a little…out there. One day it seemed like he really had gone insane. He suddenly became obsessed with power and started tinkering with machines. It got so bad; my parents put him in a mental ward. Well he was able to escape one day and he committed suicide while being pursued. His last words expressed that he'd be back. When I met with him just a while ago, he explained that he faked his death and changed his name. Butters, if I'm understanding what he told me correctly…your friend Eric's mom is one of his worst enemies?"

"Yeah. And it turns out that she's not actually his real mom."

"This again?"

"I know…poor Eric."

* * *

Speaking of which, Cartman was brought down into the cell where Unit 14 was being held. As soon as he was shoved in there, Liane immediately embraced him, overjoyed he was still alive.

"Oh Eric! You're alive!"

Cartman immediately shoved her off of him. "Don't touch me bitch! Hello Terrance, Phillip, and you two assholes." He motioned towards Jessica and Dylan.

"Gee thanks." Dylan replied sarcastically. "I was so worried about you myself."

"You're the reason were in this mess dick breath!"

"Can't you cut him slack!?" Jessica retorted in Dylan's defense. "Can't you just look past all of this and focus on stopping Davenport?"

"Not if it involves you sons of bitches!" Cartman turned to Terrance and Phillip. "Except you guys, you guys are cool."

* * *

After dropping Cartman, Butters, Kenny, and Sara off in their respective holding areas, the two AGA guards took Stan and Kyle to a small meeting room.

"What are we doing here?" Stan asked.

"Some people wanted to know of your whereabouts."

It wasn't long until another pair of guards entered the room with Wendy, Bebe, and Ike.

"Wendy! Bebe!"

"Ike!"

"Kyle!

"Stan!"

They quickly ran over to hug each other.

"Oh thank God you're alright!" Kyle rejoiced.

"I thought you died!" Ike replied.

"How are you alive!?"

"Well it's a weird story…." Stan explained. "But we now know Kenny wasn't lying all those times he said he was immortal."

"Huh?"

"Save it for later kid." One of the guards hastily interrupted. "Boss only allowed us to tell you they're alive. Nothing else."

"What!? But we just got here!"

"Too bad. You'll all see each other again when the drill's ready."

The guards escorted the kids down separate paths, ignoring their screaming and pleading to be let go. Stan was drug down a hall and thrown into an empty cell

"Well at least I know they're OK. But now what?"

Darth Chef walked by to guard the cell

"You again? Who are you?"

" **That's not important. I don't know you, so what does it matter?"**

"So?"

" **My job is to guard this cell and make sure you don't escape."**

"Well duh, but like…do you have a name or some shit?"

" **Fine. I am Darth Chef, created by the Super Adventure Club. My mission in life is to go around the world with them, discover new civilizations, and be the first to have 'intimate' relations with the little boys there."**

"The Super Adventure Club?" Stan pondered this for a minute…and came to a shocking realization. "Oh my God…CHEF!?"

" **Huh?"**

"I can't believe it! How are you alive!?"

" **What do you mean?"**

"Don't you remember!? Those sick perverts trick you into staying with them! After you died on the bridge to their hideout, they must've revived you as a robot or something!"

" **I have no idea what you're talking about."**

Stan couldn't believe it. They had brought Chef back to life, but had stripped him of his old memories!

"Chef…I'm your friend. We all were."

" **If that's really true, where do I know you from?"**

"From South Park! South Park, Colorado! You were the chef at South Park Elementary! Everyone knew you! Everyone loved you! And all the women physically loved you! Cartman's mom's the only person in all of town to have had more sex than you!"

Darth Chef didn't respond. Stan began to cry, fearing Chef was still truly gone.

"You were everyone's best friend! You'd always sing about how you wanted to make sweet love to women down by the fire! Your parents are two crazy old people from Scotland who can't get the Loch Ness Monster to stop asking them for tree-fitty! And you always knew what to say was something was wrong in our lives! You'd always greet us with 'Hello children' and would give us advice on our problems! You were the one that told me to find the clitoris to get Wendy to like me! You helped us get out of school to save Kyle's brother when Cartman had that anal probe! Don't you remember?"

" **No."**

"Salisbury steak day, making sweet love, the dodgeball championship, the hippie invasion…none of that sounds familiar to you?"

" **I'm sorry kid…you have me mistaken for someone else."**

"Then…you really are gone…."

Stan began to silently weep, knowing he had no way of convincing Chef of who he really was.

* * *

A few minutes later, a guard approached Unit 14's cell, unlocked it, and grabbed Cartman by the arm.

"OK fat boy, come on."

"What do you want?"

"You have someone who wants to see you." The guard smirked.

"See me? But who…no…NO!"

Three minutes later, Cartman's fear was confirmed as he was pushed into a room full of ginger kids. One ginger pushed him along to the front of the room, where a silhouette of Scott Tenorman sat, grinning wickedly from ear to ear.

"Well, well, well…Eric Theodore Cartman. It's been a long time since we last met. I told you I'd be back."

Cartman was terrified. Scot had freaked him out enough last time, what was he going to do to him now?

"W-w-w-what do you want with me?"

Scott stepped out of the shadows and approached his long lost half-brother.

"Oh nothing much..." Scott replied in a sinister tone of voice. "I just want to see the end of you and all your little friends!"

"Y-You're more insane then last time, aren't you?"

"Damn right I am! You see, after I escaped last time, I always knew we'd meet again. But I didn't expect it to be this soon. And once this Davenport guy called me up and asked if I'd help get my full revenge…how could I resist? And besides…." Scott finished in a really evil tone of voice. "I understand the slut you've been living with isn't your real mom."

"W-what's it matter to you?"

"Ironic isn't it? You feed my mom and our dad to me at that chili festival and the next thing you know…you discover that you're not missing just one parent, but both of them! We're both orphans now!"

The fact suddenly dawned on Cartman, as a look of shock entered his face.

"You thought it was bad enough that you never knew your father! But now you've learned that you never knew your mother! You! A fatherless child who grew up with a fake mom! Oh, the irony!"

"You know who my real mom is…don't you?"

"Of course I do! Davenport told me everything!"

"W-who is it?"

Scott snickered evilly. "I'm not telling you quite yet my friend. Everyone needs to know this. But in the meantime…." He trailed off as a few gingers set up a table and placed a bowl of chili on it. "Why don't you have some chili?"

Cartman screamed in horror as Scott Tenorman began to laugh manically.

* * *

 **A/N: Only two more chapters left! Yay!**

 **Please leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

RFSP episode #104

Final Stand

Chapter 3-The drill

* * *

While the sadistic Scott Tenorman was forcing his half-brother to eat another bowl of chili, Stan was still silently weeping in his cell. Several minutes later however, Darth Chef suddenly began having…visuals of some kind. He clutched his head as his old memories started to return.

" _Could this kid be right?"_ he thought. He decided to ask Stan.

" **Hey, uh, kid!"**

Stan stopped weeping momentarily. "Yeah?"

" **Tell me…more."**

"Huh?"

" **I'm getting images of a singing cafeteria chef through my mind. What were you saying earlier about…about who I really was?"**

A ray of hope shined on Stan's face, a small chance that Stan could bring the real Chef back. He tried the best he could.

"Your real name was Jerome McElroy. But everyone called you Chef."

" **Go on."**

"You were basically everyone's best friend. You always knew what to say when things were bad. You'd sing about how you always wanted to make sweet love to women down by the fire…do you remember anything?"

Darth Chef paused for a moment and tried to recall some more memories.

" **Yeah…I think so."**

Stan became elated and his face lit up like a pinball table.

"Really!?"

" **A few bits and pieces. Not much, but enough to know that you're right. I'm not a robot."**

"So…you're back?"

" **In some way, yes I'm back.**

Darth Chef unlocked the cell door and Stan ran out and hugged him.

"Oh Chef!" Stan cried through tears of joy. "I'm so glad you're back now!"

" **As am I. But now that I know this, I realize I'm not meant to work for Davenport."**

"That's right! We have to stop him!"

" **We better hurry Stan. I think Davenport's going to move everyone down to the drill in less than an hour!"**

"Less than an hour…Bebe!"

Chef looked quite puzzled. **"Now that's one kid I've never heard you mention."**

"Oh right…a lot has changed since you became…a robot."

" **Like what?"**

"For starters…remember the scandal that the whole town kept secret? About Cartman's real father?"

" **Yeah."**

"Well, the secret got out four years ago. Everyone who didn't know the truth now does."

" **As a matter of fact, Davenport was telling me something similar…about how Liane is not his real mother?"**

"Yeah, that too. His real mother is some woman named Diane who died right after Cartman was born."

" **I know all of that. Davenport filled me and the Super Adventure Club in on everything. How she was a government agent along with a few others, the dark history of Chemical Z…yeah he did tell me that. Anything else?"**

"In short, Wendy and I got back together in 2007…but broke up again a month and a half ago and now I'm with Bebe. Originally I swore I'd never talk to Wendy again, but now I feel like I still have feelings for her, and I don't know which girl to choose."

" **Anything else?"**

"Pip and Clyde's mom both died, a kid that never speaks moved here and saved us all from Nazi zombies, I just found out that Kenny's been immortal this whole time, and we've won a few more Emmy's. Oh and Ms. Garrison became a woman again in 2008."

" **No surprise there. Fill me in on everything later; we need to help the others!"**

"Right!"

* * *

Moments later, Unit 14 and Kenny had escaped and were running down a corridor.

("What now!?")

"Kenny you go rescue your friends!" Dylan answered as he laid out a plan. "We're going to circle around, free the captured 11th graders, and get back to my base and get the others for reinforcements! Then we can finally end this! Make sure you get Sara too!"

("I'm on it!")

"And if you see any of Davenport's admins, kick their sorry asses for us!"

("With pleasure!")

The group came to a fork in the road, where Unit 14 and Kenny went different directions.

"Oh yeah baby! This is finally starting to feel like the glory days now!"

* * *

A little ways off, Kyle was sitting alone in his cell, looking quite depressed.

Kyle sighed sadly. "I just can't believe this. How can any of this be happening? And now it looks like we've lost. Our only hope now is-."

("Kyle!")

Kyle looked up to see Kenny speeding towards him.

"Kenny!"

("Stay back!")

"Huh?"

Kenny took out a mini grenade and tossed it at the cell bars. Kyle dodged the blast at the last second right before it exploded. As soon as the smoke cleared, Kyle ran out of the cell and he continued down the hallway with Kenny.

"Where the hell do you keep getting these randomly appearing weapons from!?"

("Uh…nowhere.")

Kenny and Kyle rounded a corner and ran into Stan, Butters, and Chef.

("It's that thing again! Stay back Kyle!")

Kenny began to fight Chef until Butters and Stan pulled him off of him.

"Kenny! Stop!"

("That's one of Davenport's admins!")

"No he's not! That thing is Chef!"

("What!?")

" **Hello Kenny and Kyle! Long time no see!"**

"Chef? Is that really you?" Kyle asked.

("What happened to you?")

" **After I died, that perverted club revived me as a robot. I've been on their side until Stan told me who I really was. I remember everything now!"**

"It's been so different without you here!" Kyle exclaimed.

("Glad to have you back!")

" **I understand Kenny here is immortal?"**

("Sadly, yes.")

" **Well Kenny, you just need to think of it as a good thing."**

("But how? I can feel the pain every time and until recently, nobody was ever able to remember any of my deaths!")

" **I know it may feel like a curse, but you have to appreciate all the times it's helped instead of hurt!"**

"Yeah like back in Atlanta!" Butters reminded Kenny. "We all died back there!"

"And if it wasn't for you, we'd still be stuck in R'lyeh!" Kyle added.

" **Or how you asked Satan to revive everyone who died after the American-Canadian war, in exchange for you going back to Hell!"**

"Or how you sacrificed yourself to save Dr. Mephesto after he had been shot!" Stan added.

" **It may seem like a curse at times, but just remember the good that can come out of it."**

Kenny sighed. ("You're right. As long as I'm stuck with this ability, I need to use it for the benefit-.")

Kenny's sentence was interrupted by a bullet suddenly flying right through his heart. Kenny instantly fell to the ground, bled for a few seconds, and died. The others turned around and saw Trent Boyett was holding a gun a few feet away.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

"So Darth Chef." Trent began. "You betrayed us!?"

" **You got a problem with that?"**

"I'm sure Davenport would! But I'm not here for you! I'm here for them!" Trent said as he motioned towards Stan, Kyle, and Butters.

"Oh no!"

"Oh man, dude, please don't kill us!"

"Lucky for you, I'm not allowed to lay a finger on any of you. But soon I will be! The drill's ready and it's finally time to see which one of you gets to open Chemical Z!"

" **Over my once-dead body!"**

"AAAHH!" Trent roared as he lunged at Chef. Even though Chef was able to easily kick his ass, Trent still put up somewhat of a good fight.

" **Children! Get out of here!"**

Stan, Kyle, and Butters ran off and once they got out of Trent's sight, Trent pulled out a Taser and shocked Chef's battery pack, effectively knocking him out (or in his case, setting him to stand-by.)

Stan, Kyle, and Butters didn't get very far. Almost as soon as they started running, they ran straight into the half-robotic Ms. Ellen.

"Not fair Makesh!" Trent whined as he caught up to them. "I wanted to catch them!"

" **You!? You're just a kid like them chump!"**

"Whatever, let's just get them to the drill already." Trent mumbled something under his breath.

* * *

Several minutes later, the group entered the room where the drill was stationed.

"Holy shit!" Stan commented. "That thing is GINORMOUS!"

Like Stan said, the drill was pretty massive indeed, since it was built to hold everyone from South Park and Nexton. The actual drilling mechanism itself was rather large, since it was built to drill down to the Earth's core. The AGA was busy loading everyone they captured onto the drill. When Stan, Kyle, and Butters got there, they immediately noticed Cartman and Kenny.

("Stan! Where's Chef?")

"He got tased by Trent."

"Cartman are you OK?" Kyle asked Cartman, who appeared to very distraught.

"Scott Tenorman's more insane then last time." Cartman replied. "He made me eat another bowl of chili too!"

"Jesus, that guy's a douche." Stan added.

"Is he here now Eric?"

"No shit Butters, everyone's here!"

("Whatever's taking Dylan so long, he needs to hurry it up!")

The five boys were soon escorted onto the drill. Once inside the massive room, they immediately noticed their parents, along with Ike, Bebe, and Wendy, were waiting for them. AGA goons and gingers were everywhere, keeping a tight watch on their prisoners.

"KYLE!"

"STAN!"

"KENNY!"

After the parents were done hugging their kids to near unconsciousness, they immediately started probing them with questions.

"Do any of you know what the hell is going on?" Gerald asked. "Our captors haven't given us much insight."

Kyle suddenly became angry. "It's all Kenny's fault!"

("ME!?")

"Well…it basically is in the end." Bebe agreed.

("No, no, no, no, no! It's all Dylan's fault!")

"But you were in on this whole thing all this time!" Stan added. "If you and Cartman's mom were supposed to watch out for us or whatever, then you obviously failed pretty miserably!"

"In on what?" Sharon asked.

Kyle began to explain. "This entire time, for about the past decade and a half, Kenny and Cartman's mom knew about all this! And once we all came here anyway, Kenny had the oh-so-genius idea of secretly deleting our AGA-made hotel reservations at the Nex hotel in order to somehow make the four of us safer!"

"Wha-wha-what!?"

("For the last time, THAT WAS DYLAN'S FUCKING IDEA!")

"Wait, so the Scralp's were responsible for that?" Gerald asked.

"Not all of them. Just Dylan. The rest of them were as clueless as we were!"

"Bad Dylan!" Ike agreed.

"Kenny!" Wendy scolded.

("Does anyone know the meaning of 'not my idea'!?)

Cartman began to give a brief version of the entire story. "In short: That asshole Dylan, my whore for a fake mom, Terrance and Phillip, and some blonde chick were all part of some secret government branch many years ago that made enemies with the Davenport guy. The government branch existed to keep the history of this almighty element named Chemical Z a secret, a secret that only 100,000 people know. Once the secret branch shut down, the five of them went on a road trip where they met my real mom who had just laid my dad and asked that the bitch that's raised me pretend to be my mom since my real mom was being pursued by Davenport at the time. Shortly after, my real mom died and then my fake mom got down at the drunken barn dance. Then Dylan moved here and told EVERYONE in his grade about his past and Chemical Z, fearing that Davenport would eventually find him there, which he thought put everyone in his school at risk, and so all the kids in his grade set up their own little undercover group that was setup like the former secret government branch Dylan was in. Fast forward to today, where Davenport lured us all here with that fake free admission contest, where he is now attempting to eradicate Dylan, the 11th graders, and the people who were in his unit during his time at the secret government branch.-"Cartman stopped for a quick breath of air.

"-And locate Chemical Z so he can take over the world or some shit, but he has to use one of us kids in order to break the magical seal that was placed on Chemical Z all those years ago."

Cartman finished, panting and gasping for breath, while all the adults stood there, speechless.

"Oh my God!"

"That's all true!?"

("It is. And the 11th graders have been watching South Park the whole time, with me serving as the secret communication link.")

"Which reminds me." Stan asked. "Where exactly did you set up some of those security cameras to spy on us?"

("There's one actually one in Kyle's hat.")

"WHAT!?"

Kyle took his hat off and dug around for the camera.

("It's really small.")

Kyle found the camera, which was as big as a fingernail, and held it up. "Kenny, WHAT THE FUCK!?"

("Not my idea.")

"Dude who the fuck thought putting that in there would be funny?" Stan asked.

("Chris.")

"That asshole!"

"Kenny you should probably stop talking before one of us punches you!" Cartman suggested.

Kenny snorted angrily. ("People sometimes!")

Just then all the entrances to the drill closed up and everyone was inside. From a command center of sorts in the very front, Davenport started up the drill immediately. The group then heard loud, fierce rumbling noises from outside the drill.

"I still can't believe that guy is my uncle." Butters commented.

("He's your uncle?")

"Yeah it turns out my mom had a brother that went insane, faked his death, and changed his identity. Davenport is my evil uncle."

"Leave it to Butters for something like that to happen." Cartman said, trying not to snicker.

The drilling noises began to increase in volume.

"Well…I guess that's it then."

"Yeah…." Kyle replied sadly.

("I'm sorry guys.")

"Aw, it's OK Kenny." Butters reassured Kenny as he hugged him.

An air of sadness had washed over the group. It looked like the end for them.

" _What does Davenport plan on doing with Chemical Z?"_ Cartman thought. _"Doesn't matter. Once he's got it, I'm sure he'll kill me first."_ Cartman sighed sadly. _"I'm never going to get a chance to tell Wendy how I feel. I should've made a move long ago, but it's too late now. We're all as good as dead."_ Cartman hated himself for not ever having told Wendy his feelings earlier. Cartman couldn't help but shed a few tears knowing he'd never get the chance now.

"Cartman are you…crying?" Kyle asked.

"S-shut up Jew!" Cartman retorted, trying to hide his real emotion.

" _Well…we all had a good run, but I guess it's over now."_ Stan thought to himself. _"Unit 14 ran off but now that were en route, I doubt there's any way they can get to us."_ Stan glanced over at Wendy and Bebe, who both looked as melancholy as the rest of them. _"And I still don't know who I really love."_

"Uh...not to uh…spoil whatever kind of moment any of us might be having right now…." Stan spoke out loud. "But does anyone have a second guess as to which of us is supposed to break the seal?"

"I'd say Eric, but I'm Davenport's nephew, so that could change things."

"Whoever it is, we'll find out soon I guess. Assuming it is somebody from South Park, Dylan just said they had to be a 'young and noble child'."

"Do you think it's you Kenny?" Stan asked.

("Could be.")

After a few more moments of sadness and silence, bar the drilling noises outside, the drill stopped moving.

"I guess we're here."

* * *

Way up at the front of the drill, Davenport was fiddling with the controls, at the annoyance of his admins, minus Darth Chef, who just wanted him to hurry up so they could get their revenge.

"You built this thing and you don't know how to work it!?" Trent berated Davenport.

"Shut up, I'm going as fast as I can!"

"Well hurry up! I want my revenge on Kenny already!" Saddam replied.

"Got it!"

Davenport activated a mechanism on the outside of the drill to grab Chemical Z, or rather, the cylinder it was contained in. Davenport walked over to the window and observed as Chemical Z was being grabbed and transported inside via a pneumatic tube. Overly ecstatic, and at that exact moment looking like a giddy idiot, he walked over to his end of the pneumatic tube where a Uranium ore-like cylinder popped out. He grabbed the cylinder, admiring it with a devilish grin, with everyone else watching.

"Yes! YES! YES! At long last…after all these years…IT IS MINE!" Davenport began to laugh maniacally.

" **So who do you think can break the lock?"** Robot Ms. Ellen asked.

Davenport opened the cylinder and took out a small test tube containing a purple powder. That purple powder…was Chemical Z.

Davenport flashed a wicked grin. "Oh I think we ALL know the answer to that!" Davenport pushed a button labeled "Microphone", so anything said up in the command center would be broadcasted throughout the entire room. "Bring me...Eric Theodore Cartman!"

Cartman was about ready to cry again when two gingers grabbed him and escorted him to the front.

"So long everyone." Stan remarked rather sadly.

"This is all too much..." Kyle added.

Kenny on the other hand was still a little hopeful. ("C'mon Dylan! Where are you?")

Cartman arrived up at the front and became very scared and frightened when he saw Davenport and his admins facing him.

"Before we begin Eric…." Davenport spoke in an evil and manipulative sounding tone. "I must ask you something…how much does it…bother you knowing that you'll never meet your real mother?"

"I…I" Cartman stammered.

"Of course, I know who she was. Your half-brother here knows who she was…I'll bet you're surprised that not even your little friend Kenny knows who she was!"

"K-Kenny?" Cartman asked after he turned around.

("It's true. Dylan never told me.") Kenny yelled back.

Cartman turned back around to face Davenport. "W-w-who was she?"

"You'd like to know wouldn't you? After all, this sort of thing has happened once before, has it not? Isn't it…most unfortunate that it's happening again? For years you believed Liane Cartman was a hermaphrodite, and was therefore your father. Then it turns out that you fed your father to your half-brother at that chili festival! Oh, the sweet, sweet irony and how it came back to haunt you!"

"Man…poor Cartman. "Kyle sympathized. "He's never going to live any of this down."

Davenport went on. "But now you've learned that you never had any of Liane's blood run through your veins! You've lived your whole life not knowing this terrible secret! All those years your town stood by, completely oblivious that the hermaphrodite cover up was a double ruse! Everyone knew about Jack Tenorman! But no one, no one, ever knew about your real mother!"

"Diane…that's my mom's name right? And she was in The Agency too, right?"

"Yes indeed! I see that my arch nemesis filled you in on that part!"

"But just who is Diane?"

"Oh you'd like to know wouldn't you!?"

"OK, now he's just being a dick." Stan remarked.

"But that's not all!" Davenport continued. "Tell me Eric; did it ever occur to you that…Diane actually lived in South Park before she died?"

"She…she did?"

The others were left puzzled by this. They tried to remember if they knew anybody named Diane, but they came up fruitless.

"Did we ever know anybody named Diane?" Butters asked the others.

"I can't think of anybody."

"You got me there."

("Even if we did, we have no way of knowing if it was Cartman's mom. ANYBODY with the name of 'Diane' could have lived in South Park at any point in time.")

Davenport held out the test tube containing Chemical Z in front of Cartman.

"And now, the moment I've been waiting for…open it!"

"Huh?" Cartman asked.

"Chemical Z. Open it!"

"How?"

"You see the cork on that test tube? If you're the kid who can open it, you'll be able to yank it out."

Very slowly, and very affrightedly, Cartman attempted to pull out the cork and….

* * *

 **A/N: I know, I know, kind of a weak cliffhanger. But I honestly couldn't think of where else to end the chapter, so that's the best I could do.**

 **Only one more chapter left in the 4 part Rad Fanon South Park series premiere! What's going to happen? Stay tuned to find out!**

 **All reviews are appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

RFSP episode #104

Final Stand

Chapter 4-The answer

* * *

"You see the cork on that test tube?" Davenport motioned the test tube containing Chemical Z to Cartman. "If you're the kid who can open it, you'll be able to yank it out."

Very slowly, and very affrightedly, Cartman attempted to pull out the cork and…failed.

Everyone had a look of total shock on their faces. They were really convinced Cartman would be the one to break the magic seal, but alas, he wasn't.

"WHAT!?" Davenport screamed, furious and surprised at the same time. His admins were just as shocked. "T-this can't be! I had it all figured out and-and-and I could swear you were the one!"

The kids were having just as hard a time believing it as the bad guys were.

"It's not Cartman!?" Kyle exclaimed.

"Who did Dylan say would be the second most likely?"

"Me!" Ike answered.

"No matter." Davenport resigned his shocked look. "I'll just call up the next kid. Bring me…Ike Broflovski!"

Moments later, two AGA goons approached the front of the room, with Ike in their grip. Ike tried to open Chemical Z…and also failed.

"Fine!" Davenport growled. "Bring me…Kyle Broflovski!"

"Good luck due." Stan told Kyle as two gingers grabbed him.

"For what exactly?" Kyle asked.

Once Kyle got to the front, he glanced at Cartman and noticed the intense fear in his eyes. Normally, Cartman would LOVE seeing Kyle in a situation like this, but not now. But right now, Cartman had been reduced to nothing but fear and sorrow. Normally Kyle would laugh if Cartman was in a situation somewhat similar to this. But at that moment, Kyle only felt compassion and sympathy for him.

"Do I have to do this?"

Trent pulled out his switchblade as an answer.

"OK, OK, fine."

"I'm still getting you afterwards!" Trent reassured Kyle.

Kyle tried to open the test tube, but like Ike and Cartman, failed to do so.

"I don't believe this!" Davenport said exasperatingly. "Three tries, and still nothing! How can-."

Davenport's thoughts were interrupted by sudden flashes of light coming from a large and empty corner of the drill. In a matter of seconds, Unit 14 and the all of the EOH 11th graders appeared.

"Sorry I'm late!" Dylan smirked. "Did I miss the party?"

"DYLAN!" the kids happily rejoiced.

"ERIC!" Liane noticed him up at the front with Davenport.

"I must say Davenport, you sure know the right time to really ramp up security up there." Jessica commented.

Chris looked over and noticed Stan and the others. "Boy am I glad to see you kids still alive!"

"It's over Davenport!" Leah shouted. "Give it up now! We may be outnumbered, but you're outmatched!"

"It's time for you to finally face justice!" Bailey added.

Davenport was bewildered, and angry, at how they had gotten inside the drill.

"B-But how did you-."

"Easy." Edith answered. "We broke through your massive security forces above ground! We do that kind of thing all the time!"

"But how did you-."

"Teleport ourselves inside the drill?" Chris asked. "It's easy when you know how to build a miniature teleporter AND when you see a bunch of blueprints for the drill lying around your base!"

"Right then." Dylan added. "Now put down Chemical Z! It's far too complicated and dangerous for any one person to use and you damn well know that!"

"If it's a fight you want…." Davenport snickered. "Then it's a fight you got! Attack!"

The 11th graders and Unit 14 began engaging in an extremely fierce battle with the AGA and the ginger kids. Everyone else just tried to stay out of the way. The good guys were doing quite well…until….

"Enough!" Davenport exclaimed. "I didn't concoct this plan only to be stopped so abruptly!"

Davenport pushed a button on the drill's control panel, causing all the good guys to abruptly keel over and collapse to the ground.

"What did you do!?" Kyle asked.

"A little semi-weapon I installed that I like to call 'Facial shock recognition.' It sent out an invisible electric wave and took them all out in one fellow swoop. They'll only be stunned for a minute or two."

Two minutes later, all the good guys that had been knocked out came to, only to find that their hands were tied behind their back, and that they were all being held onto by the grip of two AGA goons each.

"Last minute rescuers...aaaannnndddd it's gone." Stan remarked.

"Oh no!" Butters exclaimed. "Now we're really doomed!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA! Now bring me…my nephew!" Davenport commanded as two gingers took Butters up to the front. "Why hello there dear nephew...we've never been properly introduced, have we?"

"Uh-."

"We can talk later. Open it!"

"Oh raw hamburgers…." Butters pulled on the cork as hard as he could, but to no avail.

"Damn it, I don't get it! What the hell am I doing wrong!?"

All the way in the back of the room, Dylan and Jessica began to chuckle a little.

"You mock me now!?"

"Yeah because if you were REALLY evil, you'd have bothered to find out that it takes two kids to open it!" Jessica replied.

"How's THAT!?"

Davenport growled loudly. "Fine! But who would be the right couple for the job?" he thought to himself.

Trent pointed his switchblade at Cartman. "He HAS to be one of them!"

"No shit kid." Scott Tenorman replied, irritating Trent.

"You!" Davenport pointed to Kyle.

"Me?"

"You're his arch rival, so it should be you!"

"I seriously doubt that."

"No one ever said it has to be a couple that liked each other! Now get a move on!"

Kyle and Cartman, reluctantly, went up to the cork, pulled on it as hard as they could, but it still wouldn't budge.

Davenport pondered the situation a bit. "OK…maybe the couple does have to like each other."

" _Like each other?"_ Bebe thought to herself. _"Unless…."_ She gasped. _"Wendy!"_

"OK fat boy, who do you crush on?" Davenport asked.

"Oh please!" Kyle answered for him. "Since when does he have a crush on someone?"

"Never." Butters agreed.

("In our dreams!")

The kids began to chuckle, but deep down; Cartman knew that there was one person he liked….

"I guess you lose dude!" Kyle taunted Davenport.

"Kiss my ass!" Phillip agreed.

"We've finally beaten you!" Terrance added.

"A true villain never concedes defeat when he's in the face of victory! Just bring me the rest of them!"

On his command, the remaining 4th graders were brought up and paired up with Cartman one by one. And one by one, each pairing didn't work. Eventually, only Stan and Wendy were left. When Stan and Cartman failed to open it together, all eyes were on Wendy.

"These two?" Kyle asked. "I seriously doubt that."

"Especially after she beat the living shit out of him that one time." Stan recalled.

("Yeah.")

"Let's just hope you're right." Wendy remarked.

Cartman and Wendy, with Trent's switchblade pointed at them, cautiously approached the test tube. The two stole a glance at each other, with Cartman staring at her, scared at the more likely outcome of the situation. Wendy, unsure why his facial expression showed that, curiously raised an eyebrow at him. Slowly, as if for dramatic effect, the two grabbed ahold of the cork, pulled as hard as they could…and it…opened. It opened, and nobody could believe it. While everyone else just stood there, completely shocked, Davenport immediately snatched the test tube and began making the loudest, most wicked laugh to ever have left his mouth.

"I don't get it…." Wendy told Cartman. She was just as confused and surprised as everyone else. "There's nothing like that between the two of us-."

"No Wendy, there is." Cartman replied.

"Huh?"

Davenport kept laughing wickedly and maniacally, while Unit 14 and the others figured they were all as good as dead.

"Oh no…." Dylan began to panic. "No…no…no, no, no!"

"Aw man! Now were really fucked!" Stan remarked.

"I guess it's over now!"

"W-what are you going to do with it?" Liane asked.

Davenport finally shut up and turned around to face everyone. "That's right. What am I going to do with it? Well I suppose now's the perfect time to unveil my intentions. You see…many centuries ago there existed a secret society known as The Society Hell-bent on International Takeover, or T-SHIT for short. T-SHIT worked in extremely mysterious and discrete ways, and few even knew of their name, let alone their existence. T-SHIT was founded by my very distant grandfather, the late Edward U. Davenport. Edward had always believed that the world was slowly being destroyed day by day by how humans lived at the time."

"But all those centuries ago, modern technology didn't exist!" Stan commented.

"Forgot what my nemesis told you already, did you? Edward lived during the time when that technology did exist, about a decade or so before that serum with the false timeline was developed. Edward always believed that day by day, mankind was slowly killing the Earth. You see, Edward believed that Earth was created by aliens and that the aliens built Earth using a mixture of Uranium, Hydrogen, and Helium. Edward claimed that the mixture is what allowed mankind to have that technology back then, and he claimed that mankind's daily activities were causing the mixture the Earth was built on to react negatively, which he believed would ultimately lead to the apocalypse. And so, Edward founded T-SHIT. T-SHIT grew quite large and expanded all over the world. Eventually word got out about their existence and beliefs, and when the serum was ready, 90% of T-SHIT's members were forcibly injected with it, without any second thought given on whether or not they should've been the few not to get the serum. The other 10%, Edward including, escaped and never got the serum. Edward's secret legacy lived on and T-SHIT strived to locate Chemical Z. Once they found it, they'd use it to eradicate the practices Edward feared would cause the apocalypse and construct a new world order in which the Earth could never be harmed in such a way again. And so when I learned of my distant grandfather, I quickly made it my mission to fulfill T-SHIT's mission. And now…it's complete!"

Davenport began to laugh evilly again, until Stan cut him off.

"That's retarded."

"HAHAHA-what?"

"That has got to be the most retarded origin story I have EVER heard."

"Yeah really." Kyle agreed. "I thought what the Super Adventure Club believed in was bull shit, but this is through the roof!"

"Oh really?" Davenport retorted. "Is it any more retarded then what any other religion in the world believes?"

"Yes." Stan answered. "Its way more retarded dude."

"You clearly have NO idea how fucked up that story is." Kyle added.

"Jesus Davenport, I knew you were a madman, but damn!" Dylan remarked.

"You psycho!" Terrance yelled.

"Am I? AM I?"

"Yes."

"And this guy's your uncle!?" Cartman asked Butters. "Dude…you have one MAJORLY screwed up family tree!"

"That might actually explain quite a lot." Stan jokingly whispered to Kyle.

"Psycho or not…." Davenport continued. "I now finally have the power to carry out my distant grandfather's plan! Now all I need to do is-."

Before he could continue, he was cut off by a bright flash of light right in front of him. In a few seconds, a figure materialized next to Davenport and knocked him out, grabbing the test tube before any of Chemical Z spilled out, and put the cork back in. Everyone looked up and saw that the figure…was Chef! Still in a robot suit, but Chef!

" **Hello children!"** he cried out happily.

"CHEF!"

" **I'm back baby!"**

"But how did you get down here?"

" **Same way they did"** Chef motioned towards Unit 14. **"I used the teleporter they just made."**

"TRAITOR!" Scott Tenorman exclaimed.

"I guess we'll be the ones to complete the mission now!" Saddam added.

" **Come and get some then!"**

That's when a huge fight broke out. Saddam, Trent, Scott, and the half robot Ms. Ellen all attacked Darth Chef, but they were no match for him. Unit 14 and the EOH 11th graders took out the AGA goons holding them and began battling the AGA goons and the ginger kids. Suddenly feeling a great surge in confidence in them, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters all rushed down to join them in the battle. Cartman took great pride in socking all the gingers he could and at one point, Kenny jumped into Dylan's hands, and he spun him around as a weapon, taking out everyone close to them. Everyone else just tried to stay out of the way. At some point, the Super Adventure Club tried to attack Chef, to which Chef responded with even greater force, force that was fueled by pure rage. Amidst all of this, Wendy was still baffled as to how she and Cartman were the ones destined to open Chemical Z.

"I just don't get it Bebe. Why Cartman and I? It doesn't add up."

"Well…."

"Well what?"

Bebe couldn't bear it any more. She still felt a heavy amount of guilt for Cartman's heart having been broken. She figured Cartman would be too scared to tell Wendy his feelings, so, in an attempt to make it up to him, she told Wendy his feelings for him.

"A few days ago…Cartman told me something…that you should know."

"What?"

Back in the battlefield, it became quite evident that the bad guys were no match for the good guys. A few minutes later, all the bad guys were lying on the ground, unconscious and defeated.

"We…won?" Stan asked between pants.

"We won." Jessica answered.

("WOO-HOO!")

"Yeah! We did it! We really did it!"

"Chef! Where did you learn to fight like that!?" Kyle asked.

" **What, you think this intimidating appearance of mine is just for looks? As much as I hate to say it, one good thing did come out of joining that fruity little club! They programmed me to fight when they revived me!"**

Wendy approached Cartman. "Hey Cartman." She said.

Cartman turned around, and his facial expression immediately went from triumphant to nervous.

"Wendy? Um, well you see, about the cork, I-."

"No need. Bebe told me everything. Is it true?"

Cartman realized this was his chance. His one chance to tell Wendy he loved her…but still he didn't have the guts to do it.

"Well…that depends on…it can be quite…." He sighed sadly. "It…it is."

"If that's how you felt, why didn't you just tell me?"

Stan was confused. "Wait, hold up. What's going on?"

Cartman turned to face Stan. "Stan you should know that…I've had a crush on Wendy for years now."

Stan was completely taken aback, not expecting Cartman to have said that in the least. "W-What!"

"I was too shy to make a move, even after the two of you broke up. I never thought she could ever like me back." Cartman sighed sadly and tried to hold back a tear. "Stan…if you want her back…or Wendy, if you don't want me at all…that's…that's cool."

"Well I-."

Before she could finish, and without any warning, Wendy was suddenly grabbed by Davenport, who had regained consciousness and was now holding a gun to Wendy's head.

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" Davenport yelled, extremely pissed off. "If you want her to live, you have two seconds to hand over Chemical Z! NOW!"

"Don't do it dude!" Dylan yelled from the back. "He's probably going to kill her anyway!"

("Dude! He's going to blow her fucking brains out!")

"Whose side are you on Kenny!?"

Davenport cocked the gun, scaring Wendy to an unimaginable degree. "Hand it over! NOW!" he demanded through clenched teeth.

Cartman didn't know what to do. Save the girl he always loved, or save the world? He just stood there, paralyzed with fear about the possible outcomes.

" **I believe you owe Eric here an explanation!"** Chef demanded.

"An explanation!?"

" **Yeah! If you're going to win, at least tell him who his real mom was!"**

Liane gasped, having hoped all her life it wouldn't have come down to this.

"No…please don't-."

Davenport snorted angrily and agreed. "Very well! You!" he motioned to Dylan. "Tell this boy what he wants!"

Dylan sighed. "I guess there's no sense in avoiding the inevitable."

Liane pleaded through tears for him not to go on. "Dylan please don't!"

"What choice do we have Liane!? Even if he wasn't pointing a gun at someone, Eric still has the right to know!" Dylan said to her. "We can't hold on to this secret forever. Cartman, your real mother…was your old 4th grade teacher, Ms. Choksondik."

Everyone else in the room was totally in shock, with their mouths hanging open so wide, they could've shoved a forty pound fish into it. Nobody, NOBODY, was expecting to hear this information!

"Ms. Choksondik!?" Kyle gasped loudly.

"Holy…shit!" Stan added.

"It's true…." Liane admitted. "Diane Choksondik is your real mother."

Cartman's facial expression indicated that the emotional pain was just too much to bear.

Liane began to cry. "You never knew she was your mother. And when she lived in South Park, nobody knew the two of you were related. Not me, not my unit…we all thought Davenport had killed her before you were born. Nobody knew, not even her…she never knew that you were the child she never had."

"No…no…." Cartman said in sad disbelief, in an effort to ease the pain.

"Eric I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Liane burst into tears, as the rest of Unit 14 rushed over to try and comfort her.

"So…any more secrets?" Stan asked.

"No…that covers it all." Dylan answered.

"Well then…." Davenport said slyly as he placed the gun to Wendy's head again. "I suppose I should still make something of my failure! If you want her to live fat boy, hand over Chemical Z NOW!"

Cartman didn't know what to do. It was all too much happening too fast. He glanced over at Wendy, then Liane, then Chef, then Kenny, then Dylan, then at the test tube, and then back at Wendy.

"Y-you…you killed her…you killed my real mother…didn't you?" Cartman asked Davenport as he tried not to cry.

"Oh my God!" Stan recalled with the others. "He might have a point there! We never found out how she died!"

"I thought I had!" Davenport answered. "But even I had no idea she had evaded me, I thought she was already dead too! Now give me the god-damn test tube!"

At that precise moment, Dylan thought of something…something that would change the outcome of this whole thing….

"Hmmmm…. Call it a hunch but…just give it to him Cartman!"

("DUDE!")

"Relax. Just watch."

Davenport cocked the gun again and pushed the barrel right up against the side of Wendy's head.

"You've got five seconds to give it to me! 5…4…."

Reluctantly, Cartman tossed the test tube to him. Davenport shoved Wendy aside and put the gun down. He took the cork back out of the test tube, since the magic seal was already broken, and dumped the small sample of Chemical Z into his hand.

"Yes…yes…YES! IT IS MINE!"

He began to laugh extremely wickedly, but was abruptly cut off when he noticed Chemical Z evaporating into thin air.

"What the-NO! NO! The…THE FUCK!?"

"Uh…what just happened?" Butters asked.

"My theory was right." Dylan answered. "That sample of Chemical Z is so old that the second it touches the air, it'd evaporate and essentially be gone."

Dylan paused for dramatic effect.

"BOOM BABY!" he yelled smugly, while he and the rest of Unit 14 and all the 11th graders bursted out in fits of laughter. "Boy did YOU completely make a fool out of yourself!"

"But…no…it can't be…." Davenport stammered in extreme disbelief.

Chris and Sara walked up to Davenport and handcuffed him with ease. Davenport was in so much shock, he didn't have the willpower to resist.

"We finally got you now!" Chris exclaimed.

"NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" Davenport yelled.

"Dude. Get over yourself already." Sara replied.

* * *

Several minutes later, the drill had been piloted back to its launch point in the AGA's base, and everyone inside the drill was once again on the surface. Like Edith had mentioned, Unit 14 and the 11th graders had completely tore down the giant wall Davenport had set up around the prison area when they stormed the place earlier, as well as having torn down the prison area itself. Large amounts of local, state, and federal law enforcement officers had all arrived on the scene and all the AGA employees and ginger kids were in the process of being arrested.

"Well Davenport finally got what was coming to him." Dylan said as he thanked the kids. "I guess I couldn't have done it without you kids. Thank you, all of you."

"That was pretty neat-o huh fellas!" Butters asked his friends.

"Yeah it kind of was!" Bebe agreed.

"Can we all agree to never, EVER, consider golf more then what it really is ever again?" Stan asked.

"And what would that be?"

"Stupid."

"Boring." Kyle added.

"And apparently life-threatening." Cartman added.

"Agreed." All the kids replied in unison.

A few police officers walked by with Trent Boyett in handcuffs.

"All right you miserable shit!" the officer said to Trent. "Back to juvie with you!"

"IT WASN'T ME! I JUST GOT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!" Trent protested loudly. "C'mon guys!" Trent turned towards the kids in a desperate attempt at not going back to juvie again. "Tell them I practically didn't do anything the entire time!"

"Well?" The cop asked. "Did he have a big part in this or not?"

"Trent Boyett is a liar sir." Stan answered.

"Thought so."

"NOOO!" Trent yelled as he was drug away. "Oh man! You guys better PRAY I don't get out AGAIN!" he warned the boys as he was placed into a police car.

"Oh my God dude! He's going to REALLY stop at NOTHING to get us the next time he gets out!"

"Whatever, that's like five years from now." Cartman reminded the group.

"Oh yeah."

"Yay!" Butters cheered.

The next people they saw pass them was the Canadian police force, with Saddam Hussein in their grasp.

"No! Hey, relax guy!" Saddam was carried past Terrance and Phillip, whom he tried to make a desperate plea with. "Uh…oh wow this is all so crazy huh? Here we are where we can all just set aside our differences and-."

"Oh stop it! Just stop it!" Phillip cut him off.

"What gives you the idea that anyone is going to fall for that again!?" Terrance asked. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"No, relax guy!" Saddam continued to protest as he was carried away. "Hey buddy-oh fuck it! I'll be back! Just all of you wait!"

After he was carried off, a helicopter appeared and landed a few feet in front of the group. The door opened and the same Iraqi men Wendy had paid to shoot Ms. Ellen into the sun all those years ago hopped out.

"There she is!"

The Iraqi men walked over to Ms. Ellen and quickly restrained her.

"This is her right?" one of the men asked the kids. "This is Makesh Alak Makarakesh?"

"Apparently so."

The half robotic Ms. Ellen desperately tried to get Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny on her side as she was taken to the helicopter.

" **Where's my support!? Stan! Kyle! Eric! Kenny! Don't you all still think I'm hot?"**

"Well yeah, a little…." Stan began to answer. "But dude, you worked for Davenport!"

"And you really were an Iraqi traitor!"

"And now we know what a lesbian is!" Cartman added.

("Yeah!")

" **This isn't over! You haven't seen the last of me! Especially you!"** she pointed at Wendy, who became a little frightened by her threat as the helicopter flew off.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Bebe reassured her.

"So that just leaves Scott Tenorman." Dylan recalled. "Anybody see him?"

"Uh…too late." Terrance said as he pointed towards the sky. Scott Tenorman was escaping into the horizon on a jet pack.

"I'll be back Unit 14!" he swore as he flew away, laughing maniacally. Cartman became a little frightened.

"Ah, don't worry kid." Jessica tried to reassure him. "I'm sure you'll never have to deal with him again.

Cartman just breathed a sad sigh, walked a few feet away, and plopped down on the ground. Liane went up to him and tried to talk with him.

"What do you want?"

"Eric I…I'm sorry." She pleaded as a tear came to her eye. "Really I am. Please…you have to understand that I was only trying to protect you…." She said to no response from Cartman.

"I was just…no they were right…I should've just told you everything way sooner. You had every right to know the truth…and you have every right to be mad at me. I'm sorry…." She said as she cried some more.

"No…I was wrong." Cartman replied.

"You what?"

"You are my real mom."

"But…I'm not."

"But at the same time you are." Cartman told her. "You see, I learned something today. Family isn't just about whose blood you share or who's DNA you inherited. Family…real family…is about those who take the time to care for you and love you like one of their own. You only kept quiet about everything for fear of my safety. That's what a real mother would do. You are my mom…mom."

"Oh Eric!" Liane cried from happiness, as she shared a very touching hug with her son, causing everyone watching them to get a little emotional themselves.

("And you know what?") Kenny realized. ("I've learned something today too. At times, special abilities we may have can seem like a curse, but in the end, we should always focus on the good things that come from it and how we can use those good things to others' benefit.")

While Kenny was having his epiphany, two federal officers walked by with Davenport in their grip, as he struggled to break free.

"You haven't heard the last of me you little bastards! None of you have heard the last of Shelton J. Davenport Junior! Especially you!" he motioned to Cartman. "And you!" he motioned to Dylan.

"Just give it up already dude." Dylan suggested.

"You're finally going to where you belong asshole!" Jessica added.

"Where would that be?" Kyle asked.

"Camp 853." Liane answered.

"WHAT!? How would you know that!?" Davenport asked.

"How would we not?" Jessica replied. "Dude, the feds made your private cell there years ago; it's just been unoccupied this whole time."

"Yeah have fun in solitary buddy!" Dylan chuckled at Davenport.

Davenport continued his oath of vengeance as he was escorted to a federal helicopter.

"All of you listen and all of you listen good! I WILL break out of jail! I WILL reformulate my plan! I WILL get my revenge! And I'm going to make sure each and every one of you standing here right now is dead at my hand IF IT'S THE LAST DAMN THING I DO!"

"Seriously. Get over yourself." Terrance told him.

"So long fucker!" Phillip yelled.

Davenport was placed into the helicopter as it began to lift off the ground.

"I'LL BE BACK, YOU HEAR ME!?"

"Yeah. Right."

"Uh…bye Uncle Davenport!" Butters waved. "It was sort-of, kind-of, not-really nice to meet you!"

"I'LL BE BACK! I'LL BE BACK!"

The helicopter flew away into the horizon, with Davenport swearing his return the entire time.

" **Anybody see where that fruity little club went?"** Chef asked.

Sara motioned to more police cars as William and the rest of the Super Adventure Club were being taken away.

"One of these days you boys will be sorry for ever getting in our way!" William yelled to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny. "And Chef! How could you-."

" **How could I not!? I should've never joined you sick bastards in the first place!"**

"The next time I see you I'll-."

" **Be getting your ass whooped! BY ME! I'd advise you to rot in jail if you don't want that!"**

"This isn't the end!" William swore as the Super Adventure Club was taken away. Chef turned around to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny.

" **Children…I want to apologize. About what happened on the bridge right before I died…I'm sorry for even considering that staying with those perverts was what I really wanted."**

("It's OK Chef.")

"The important thing is: You're back now."

" **Yep…it's great to be back! When we get home, I need to find a nice woman to make sweet love to!"**

"Now THAT'S the real Chef we know and love!"

"But dude how do we get you out of that…thing?" Stan asked.

" **Erm…good question."**

"We'll take care of that!" Dylan offered. "I'm sure I can find something at The Agency's old HQ to get you out of that thing and make sure your body is sustainable enough in no time!"

" **Great! But first…."** Chef said as he turned to Stan and whispered. **"You need to find a woman to love too.** "

"Huh?"

Chef motioned towards Wendy and Bebe.

"Oh…right…."

" **Just follow your heart Stan."**

* * *

While Stan was thinking on that, Wendy walked over to Cartman.

"H-hey Wendy…."

"Hey Cartman. Look…I-."

"No, no it's OK." He replied with sadness in his voice. "I get it. You want Stan back. I…I understand." He said as he began to walk away, but was stopped by Wendy placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Well…yes there is Stan. But I'm not entirely sure who he's going to choose."

* * *

" _This is it dude."_ Stan thought to himself. _"Just follow your heart. Who do you REALLY want to be with?"_ Stan walked over to Wendy.

"I'm…I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

"During our falling out." Stan continued. "You were right. I was just being a selfish asshole. I get that now and…I'm sorry."

"It's OK…but there's still just one thing, and only one thing, I need to know from you."

"What is it?"

"Stan Marsh: Do you still love me?"

Stan paused for a bit before answering her.

"Don't take this the wrong way but…no."

"Well...why not?"

"In the end…I think I just wanted us to be friends and leave it at that. We've been together for a very long time and you know…when we got back together, I had always felt like our relationship wasn't as strong as the first time."

"As a matter of fact Stan…I was kind of feeling the same way. I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. And if that's what both of us want…then we should do it."

"You really think so?"

"Definitely. Based on what's happened…I think it'd be worse for our overall friendship if we got back together again."

"So…then it's settled?"

"I suppose it is."

"Friends?"

Wendy smiled. "Friends."

"Then…good-bye?"

"No…until we meet again."

Slowly, Stan and Wendy began to inch their way close to each other. In a few seconds, their lips touched and they kissed…without a single bit of vomit emerging from Stan's mouth. The kiss ended, and they stood there, surprised by the lack of puke.

"Whoa…."

"That was…clean."

"And hey if…you want to be with Cartman…I'm totally OK with it."

"You are?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah. It seems like he really likes you and since we…"

"Thanks Stan."

"So…until we meet again…friend?"

Wendy smiled. "Until then!" she said, kissing Stan on the cheek one last time before walking over to Cartman.

Kyle, however, was having the EXACT OPPSOITE reaction, as he was so SURE that Stan and Wendy would get back together, he had trouble finding any words to say, as his mouth just hung gaping open.

"Did he just-." Kyle stammered.

"Uh-huh!"

"And now they're-."

"Sure are dude."

"But they-."

"They did."

"Oh my God…." Kyle remarked as he continued to sport a dumbfounded look on his face.

Stan walked back over to Bebe to inform her of his decision.

"So…are we still a 'we'?" she asked.

"We are."

"Was that hard at all?"

"A little. But it's what we've both felt for a while now. The hard part was getting the words out."

* * *

Wendy walked back to Cartman to cheer him up with her decision.

"So…you really do love me, don't you?" she asked him.

"Yeah…you probably think it's just nothing more than sexual tension again..." Cartman replied sadly.

"Actually…I think it's rather sweet of you Cartman!"

Cartman perked up out of surprise. "You…you do?"

"I do. I was facing death back there…and you gave Chemical Z to Davenport, putting the whole world at risk. You risked the whole world to save me…and that's really sweet of you." Wendy said as she kissed Cartman on the cheek.

"So…does that mean you'll-?"

Wendy took Cartman's hand in hers. "Yes! I will!"

Wendy scooted closer to Cartman and kissed him full on the lips, just as she had done that one day when they were in 3rd grade.

Kyle was even more shocked and bewildered now, and was having an even more difficult time saying anything.

"B-but did-!?"

("Yep.")

"Wendy!? And Cartman!?"

"Yes."

"But that means that-!?"

"It does."

"But…but that's crazy!"

" **Love can make people crazy Kyle!"** Chef reminded him. **"You'll see some day!"**

* * *

Cartman and Wendy walked back to the group holding hands. Stan and Bebe were also holding hands.

"What a crazy two weeks this has been! Am I right guys?" Cartman asked his friends.

"Well it sure has been fellas!"

("A lot has happened.")

"Truths were told."

"But it all worked out!" Stan added.

"But dude! Now that Davenport's been captured…what are you going to do now?" Kyle asked Dylan.

("Yeah now that this has all been dealt with, does that mean The Agency has officially crumbled?")

"Maybe. Maybe not." Dylan answered. "I think now I can just go back to living a normal life. It has been a while since I did."

"But when trouble is lurking, you can always count on us to be there!" Jessica added.

"That's right!" Terrance agreed.

"No doubt about that!" Phillip added.

"What do you think mom?" Cartman asked Liane.

"Well…everything worked out and Davenport's been caught…." Liane answered. "But Dylan's right. It'd be nice to have a normal life again for a while."

"Except South Park isn't exactly 'normal' though." Cartman reminded.

"Exactly my point." Liane smiled. "South Park is all the normal I need."

("What about the rest of your classmates?") Kenny asked Dylan.

"Oh we'll still be around." Dylan answered. "Davenport's gone and he was our primary focus and all, but we can still fight evil on the side."

"What about you Kenny?" Leah asked, with Bailey and Edith wondering the same thing.

("I think I'll just live easy and keep it real.")

"Can we still count on you for whatever we might need?" Chris asked.

("Sure thing!")

"Well…I'm going to miss you kids." Dylan told Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters. "I feel like meeting you, even though I was originally hoping I wouldn't have to…I feel like meeting you kids changed me in a really good way. I want to thank you for that."

"Glad we could help!" Cartman replied.

"We'll all keep in touch though right?" Stan asked.

"Thankfully, with Davenport out of the picture, we certainly can." Dylan replied.

"And will!" Jessica added.

"You look out for your friends now Kenny!" Sara told him.

("I will!")

Dylan turned to Stan. "Well…I guess this is good-bye."

"Not good-bye. Rather, until we meet again."

"Right on my friend!" Dylan agreed as he high-fived Stan.

And so with their adventure at an end, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Ike, Kenny, Bebe, Wendy, Butters, Chef, Dylan, Jessica, Terrance, Phillip, Liane, Sara, Chris, Leah, Bailey, and Edith all gazed up towards the sky triumphantly. A lot had happened, but it all worked out in the end. And they couldn't ask for anything more.

* * *

 **A/N: And...the 4 part series premiere of Rad Fanon South Park is complete! WOO-HOO! *dances happily* And if you though the ending was a little cheesy, especially the very last paragraph, I apologize, but I wanted a very happy and cheery ending since the second half of the plot was pretty dark. So keep your eyes peeled-."**

 **("For Chapter 4 of 'Worlds Collide', since you've abandoned it for the past two weeks?")**

" **Kenny! What the hell are you doing in my author's note?"**

 **("I have a starring role in Worlds Collide you know! I demand to know what happens to me next! Especially since you had the Dylan in that story bail Rouge out and-.")**

" **SSSHHHHHH! Don't spoil it for those who haven't read it!"**

" **Yeah shut up poor boy!" Cartman agreed.**

 **("You're just jealous because you've had a very minor appearance so far fat ass!")**

" **Nuh-uh, I was the first one in the first South Park part of Chapter 1 of Worlds Collide!"**

 **("Technically, Butters and Dougie were.")**

" **Kenny, if you want to still have babies, don't make me come over there and kick you in the nuts!"**

 **Kenny flipped Cartman off as Stan and Kyle entered.**

" **Why does everyone keep invading this author's note?" I asked.**

 **Ignoring me, Stan started talking. "Readers, the author, beastlycharizard13, wanted you to know that by the time all chapters of 'Final Stand' are posted, he will have likely already posted Chapter 4 of 'Worlds Collide'. You see, for the past couple of weeks, he's been focusing on RFSP a lot, but has uploaded the chapters way slower than the speed he wrote them, since he didn't want readers to be overwhelmed by having an entire story posted in one day."**

 **Kyle continued talking. "The RFSP episode 'Final Stand' was actually completed the day after the first chapter of 'Deep Secrets, Dark Secrets, And Plans' was posted. This works out, as now he can work on Worlds Collide and uploading the remaining chapters of 'Deep Secrets, Dark Secrets, And Plans' as well as 'Final Stand' simultaneously, giving him enough time to think up more episodes of RFSP in the process."**

" **That's right everyone!" I added. "I've got a few ideas already that I think you'll really enjoy! So make sure to look out for RFSP episode 5! And thank you so much for reading the 4 part series premiere of Rad Fanon South Park!"**

 **Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny left. As they left, a ceiling tile suddenly came loose and crushed Kenny, killing him.**

" **Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"**

" **You bastards!"**

" **Well at least we know he's immortal now!" Cartman reminded them. "Kenny will be back!"**

 **Stan, Kyle, and Cartman left.**

 **So uh…yeah. Thanks again so much for reading the 4 part RFSP premiere! Please leave a review! :)**


End file.
